How to give feedback that is both truthful and kind
Giving feedback is an art and most of us are not good at it. As writers who will likely (and really should) exchange work with other writers, feedback is a skill we really need to develop. What’s hard about it is that it requires both empathy and the courage to tell the truth. If we’re not kind enough with our feedback, we could discourage someone or even drive them to quit writing. If we’re not honest with our feedback, we are not helping writers improve and hone their craft. If a writer shares their work with you, it’s a sign of trust. Here are a few ways you can take good care of them and help them improve their story.
1. Think about the way you are speaking or writing feedback
This is more difficult and more important than we think. A writing instructor I worked with was always honest, but she did not have the skill of providing feedback in a kind way. Her feedback was filled with exclamation marks, red pen and statements like, “I am getting SO annoyed with this character!!!”. When I tell you I almost quit writing after her evaluations, I’m not exaggerating. All I could think was, I must be a terrible writer, and there’s no hope for me. What I learned later was that her feedback could have been helpful if it was gentler and more specific. One way to soften feedback is to ask questions. Something like, “I’m not understanding your mc’s motivation in this scene. Is there a way to make it more clear?” would have helped me with a concrete concept to work on without feeling my writing was being judged.
2. Be specific and point to examples in the text
Writers can’t improve their writing with general, non-specific comments. Though it can be useful to understand how a reader feels the moment they read a scene, what’s most helpful is pointing to specific parts in the text. Statements like the one my instructor made, “Your character is annoying”; or an example from last week’s blog, “It doesn’t sound like J.K. Rowling”; or things like “It was too dark, too simple, too cheesy….” are just too vague to make any kind of improvement or change. Honestly, this is lazy feedback. Instead, think about your feeling after reading something and then ask what was it in the text made you feel that way.
3. Don’t be overly critical
If you’re like me, it’s much easier to be critical than to say nice things. I grew up in an overly critical household and as an adult consistently found myself being overly critical of others. (Something God has been working on in me!) I used to feel like it was dishonest to try and say nice things when I thought something was crappy. Admitting this makes me cringe. I have not always been good at giving feedback. But now I see the truth, there is merit, beauty and potential in every piece of writing. For me, it’s just harder to point out than the things that are wrong. Now I have more empathy for writers, having gone through the process myself and learning how difficult it is. Once I started making a conscious effort to look for the strengths in a piece of writing, it became more and more natural for me.
4. Don’t shy away from honesty
On the other end of the spectrum are people who are afraid to be honest with others because they want to keep the peace, preserve someone’s feelings or are afraid of being disliked. Weirdly, I’ve fallen into this trap as well, in other areas of my life. A good rule of thumb is to figure out where someone’s at and what feedback they’re looking for. That will help you give feedback that is helpful for them. Sometimes a list of too many corrections is not helpful. But if you shy away from honest feedback, the writer loses out on the chance to improve their story and hone their craft. They may not come to you again if they sense you’re not being honest. Think of it as loving honesty. If you’re not sure how to balance, pick a few concrete things for them to work on and a few things that are working well in their story.
